I want to eat all the snacks in my house,
but then I’ll be sad when they’re gone.
And then I’ll be too lazy and stuffed to
go get more.
I need minions.
Does access make you want something more, or is it absence?
I have 3 pints of the most wonderful substance (well, one of them anyway) in my freezer: talenti gelato.
I ate breakfast about an hour and a half ago and now I’m thinking about the gelato. Because it’s here. And it’s good. Better than good, it’s …. heaven in your mouth. But mainly ‘cuz it’s here. If it wasn’t here I wouldn’t think about it. Not too much, anyway. I’d still want it, or think about it, but right now I’m keenly aware of its presence and ready availability. If it wasn’t in the house I think the wanting would be deeper because more steps (that I wouldn’t take) would be needed to acquire it: throw on shoes, put on a coat, get my bag together, call a cab (I could get the bus, but then that involves walking a coupla blocks, waiting around in cold weather, stopping at every other corner, walking a coupla more blocks, then doing it in reverse to get home and eat it), get the stuff, call another cab (I didn’t take the bus there, I’m certainly not taking the bus home!) Then eat it.
Not to mention the money spent on the cab. If it’s not in the house and it can’t be delivered then I would just live with the wanting and the craving. But I don’t have to. ‘Cuz it’s here. Just a few steps away.
So what’s better – to have it at hand, on the brain and need to randomly distract myself from the temptation or just leave it at the store and drive myself mad with the depth of longing?
Yes, I started with 5. So, what’s your point?
(This was from much, much earlier in the week, so that’s why I’m down to 3)
This is my solo New Year’s Eve party that I’ve having at 8:45 on January 4th. Oh – and I walked for an hour.
The rest of the day will be filled with multiple bottles of spring water and several trips to the bathroom.
I’m sick of being good, of deprivation and lack. I know these are not good choices. But I made them anyway. I accept that. This is what I chose today. It won’t be tomorrow’s choice, or next week’s choice, but for today I will revel in the salt and the sugar and the badness of my decisions.
MUSIC: “This Charming Life” – Joan Armatrading
(Thank you @sutterink)
Short walk today; only out 45 minutes with one sitting break and a couple leaning against the street lamp things. Luckily it was early so nobody pulled up to the corner (“No strange man, I do not want a date!”)
Went in a totally opposite direction. Hit the edge of the city, near the entrance to the turnpike. Nice discovery – a 24-hour corner store. Really well stocked. Now I know where to go for a salt and vinegar chip crave at 4 in the morning. Heaven for a quarter.
(Not necessarily a good thing)
RANDOM PARTING THOUGHT